Endings

So, things with Lucifer didn’t work out. I felt like I had to choose between him and Odin, and it put a rift between us. I feel I’ve learned my lesson from that, at least. Even as things with Lucifer ended, things with Odin were eroding too.

Then Angrboda and her children arrived.

I wasn’t expecting this, but I felt right at home. Loki’s family feels like family to me. In worshiping Odin, I really drifted away from Lokeanism. But now, I want to go back to Jotunheim and the Ironwoods. I want to be intentional about it.

I invoked Loki Worldbreaker because my life has been going through some massive shifts. I figured he could help me ride the wave, clear up the rubble after the pausing of my devotion to Odin, and help me with gender stuff. Loki and some human friends of mine have suggested that Hela will be a quiet, restful balance to Loki’s chaos.

Other things that have ended or are ending: my devotional relationship with Odin, Ursula LeGuin’s writings, and a long-time work thing.

So, Odin is still on my shrine. He’s not gone forever. It’s become clear to me that I had been hyperfixated on some things related to him and that actual ritualistic actions had fallen by the wayside. I was/am too stressed out to pray to him. My solution to this issue is to spend time on my other household deities, and just let Odin’s statue metaphorically gather dust until, well, time heals the wound. Plus, in fixating on Odin so much, Loki and Freya didn’t get so much attention. In a way, this problem is good, because I can see the broken things and try to fix them.

Alright so the next two things aren’t devotional at all, but this is my blog so I am going to blather about it.

I recently read Ursula LeGuin’s Gifts. I hadn’t read it in many years, and forgot the plot. I felt rather sad reading this book because I know I have a limited amount of her books left to read. I picked up her last book of poems today, So Far So Good. I think I’m just gonna let this book sit on my shelf for awhile, because I don’t want to rush through her works. Friends who are fans of Diana Wynne Jones and Terry Pratchett have been empathizing with me. It sucks to lose a beloved author.

The work-related thing: I am starting my second semester of my Masters in the fall. (Second, you ask? My first semester was this summer. While it was certainly educational, I can’t say that school in summer is fun.) I simply won’t have time for two jobs, so I had to cut one. I’ve cutting the job that gives me a lot of extra work, and is too inconsistent. I am sad about this, because it was a very good job. But school has to come before work for me.

I don’t think Hela’s arrival has *caused* these endings. She has pointed out some rotten things. Friends have also pointed out some things causing unnecessary stress. And Ursula, well, I might always feel sad about her. Hela just happens to be present in my grief.

Little update: I am now using they/them pronouns.

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