On Friday night, as I went to bed, I started getting ideas for sewing, specifically embroidering the runes. I started seeing images of what that could look like. I got really excited and couldn’t sleep. I scribbled down my ideas, ate a banana, read a book for awhile, and fell asleep at 3 a.m. It’s a funny thing that happens to me fairly frequently: my brain is moving too fast for me to sleep. Often, it’s an anxious habit where I ruminate too much, but on the odd occasion, I am too excited or curious about something to sleep.
Today, I cut and ironed some old light blue fabric. I chose the thread colour (a nice dark blue). I found a wooden hoop frame to hold the fabric. Hopefully sometime today, I can take some time to chill and sew.
For all that I am being creative now, I have withdrawn from the gods somewhat. I’m still not making offerings. I’m trying to use social media less so I can cross stitch more. I’m daydreaming a lot about who I want to become. I got my hair dyed purple yesterday, which feels like a beautiful step in the right direction. I’ve started taking up tabletop role playing games again and I am plotting a quiet game with some friends. I haven’t returned to my writing practice yet but I hope to!
I’m also pondering what is wrong in my practice. I had an intuition while half asleep recently. I need to find the roots of my spiritual unhappiness and examine it before clean water can flow through again. I think there are many reasons why my practice is drained right now, and I gotta sit with that.
Today, I spent a good hour or so outside cleaning my new garden plot and getting rid of old junk. My old neighbour moved out, leaving the space free for me! I hope to make a small outdoor shrine for my household gods and possibly a small spot for the Buddha too.
I might make a small indoor rock garden to pour offerings in during the colder months. I think it would be a cool way to dispose of offerings.
I think there’s something to be said for focusing on earthly expressions of faith and creativity. Connecting to my garden, to the sunshine… I think these things will bring back something missing in my life.
There’s a certain vibe the gods have been exposing me to: timelessness, or eternity. Or… something like that? It’s a feeling. But, these past few months, it’s become a concept rather than a physical feeling. Sometimes I can reach it through poetry, but… I’ve gotten off track. And it’s a state I need to try to reach in my body and by myself, without needing the gods all the time. It’s a certain sense of peace too. I don’t really know how to explain it. Sometimes I could access it when doing rune-castings… maybe I should try that again.
What activities bring you peace?