Winter ponderings

I’ve been going through a period of deep contemplation, pondering various questions like: what do I believe the gods are? Do I wish to deepen my devotion? If yes, how? and if not, what else is there? What do I want out of my spiritual practice? What are the foundations of my spiritual practice?

I’m not necessarily going to answer all these questions here as I want to keep my musings private until I have reached more thoughtful conclusions. But this is a little glimpse of what I’ve been thinking about!

Other than these ponderings, I have just been working, continuing to survive working in a pharmacy during the pandemic. After work, I don’t have energy to do a lot so I’ve been watching videos more than gaming. (Indeed, I’ve basically stopped gaming–no Dungeons and Dragons, nor any video games–as if in some kind of gaming burnout).

When I can, I really think about what it means to be devoted to the divine, why do I want or need it, and what I could do for Them. I’ve written in my journal a lot and written some poetry to process this all. Winter feels like the appropriate season for these musings.

I think my biggest concern for the year ahead is balancing a return to school with the rest of my life. Ensuring that while I get my homework and lesson planning done, I also have time for rest, play, work, devotion, family, and friends. During my BA, I got very depressed and psychotic, so now, in doing this MA, I really want to ensure I have structures of support in place. I know that during my studies, I won’t have much to offer the gods and I am okay with that.

Odin, at least, has been explicit that he wants to be a scholarly god for me and inspire me in my work. Freya pops by sometimes to emphasize things or remind me of Divine Love. Loki still seems distant, and I am unsure how to connect to him again. I’ll get there though. I should, perhaps, ask Loki and Freya for reassurances about my going back to school. I think it would help.

My best wishes to all of you in the depths of winter. Let me know what spiritual musings are on your brain these days.

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