Something that is really being hammered home this month is that, right now, I can only be a devotee. That is all I have time and energy for. I can’t seek some big fate in being a skald or priest–which is a really really good thing actually because I’ve gotten accepted into my Masters program of choice! Woo hoo!
I’ll be starting in May and it should take two years. If, after the degree and the new start in my profession, if I have energy for deeper heathen studies then, sure of course. But for now, I must be humble and, well, practice being chill with deities. Nothing big, nothing major.
I’m an ambitious person, so it’s a pretty hard pill to swallow, if I’m honest. The spirits pointed out that I seem to consider this a demotion–the bottom rung in a faith hierarchy, but they reminded me–everyone is equal here.
So, I just gotta try.
Since Nov 7th, I’ve been managing to pull a rune almost every day! This practice has really helped me connect to my faith. I even dream about the runes on a weekly basis now (usually very mildly, like seeing a rune on dream-paper).
(Fun story: One day this week, I dreamt of Nauthiz right before getting up for work and it felt like the rune was telling me to get my ass out of bed.)
At the end of the year, I think I’d like to do a blog post cataloguing what the most frequent runes were, what did I learn, etc. It will be fun.
The evening before the scheduled entry about the Arthurian Powers, I had the deep sinking sensation that I would not manage two faiths at once, particularly one that I would have to build completely on my own. I meant to delete the post, but forgot to.
The spirits seem okay with it. I feel okay too.
This choice brings me back to my time as a baby pagan about nine years ago now. Queen Guinevere was the first spirit to ever reach out to me. She found me before paganism did, and looking for her and who she was, was what brought me to paganism proper. As I began to pursue spirit-spousery, I also felt a strong pull towards Heathenry. I remember feeling guilty, as if she was not enough for me. And, really, she wasn’t. I even felt guilty worshipping the Norse gods. Odin became just as important, if not more important, than Guinevere. It’s taken many years to make peace with these choices.
There is so so much Heathen content out there: magazines, Youtubers, books, organizations, camping trips, and so on. While there is Arthurian stuff out there, like scholarly articles, research, a few pagan books, a female-centric order, and some covens, there’s not the grander sense of community and opportunity there. There’s no support.
It kept me up at night, making this decision. And of course, I could always come back to this path another time. But right now, it feels homework: research, crafting hymns and holidays, etc. It’s not… so fun. I know some folks out there take great delight in crafting their own, unique, eclectic path, but it doesn’t work for me.
It’s a little sad, because there are some interesting ideas there I would like to explore: Taoism, knighthood, and so on. We’ll see what happens in the new year.
I’m excited for Yule. I happen to have the day off, so I’ll try and do a little something. I work the next day though, so it should be something small. I did, at least, send out Yule cards to about 20 close friends and family.
What are you planning for Yule?