My Three Main Deities

Loki

This guy! The first pagan deity I ever worshiped! So He gets props for that.

Ye gods, in 2013 as a baby pagan, I remember being drunk on pain meds after top surgery and just talking to the air, exclaiming how much I loved Loki. Bananas.

I see Him as the table-flipping deity of trans folks, tough-truth-telling, and misfits. He rocks. I know a lot of people think Loki is scary and not deserving of worship, but I think He fosters a Sacred Balance in Norse mythology by encouraging entropy and death to follow its natural course. Baldur has to die because that’s how life goes, you can’t just keep people in un-death forever.

And He’s the Father/Mother of Monsters! What could be cooler than that??!?!?! As I said to someone online last night, I like Loki and Loki likes me, so what more do I need to justify devotion?

To me, He is also the Father of Lies, Torchbearer, Flamehair, Mother of Sleipnir, Sigyn’s Husband, Angrboda’s Mate, and Witchfather.

I’m trying to reconnect with Him after a long time away. It’s slow going but that’s okay.

Odin

This. Deity. In my mental illnesses, I tried to go to the metaphorical ends of the earth for Odin, the Norse deity of war, magic, and ecstasy, but then He brought me back because that was not a good idea. I wanted Him to Own me and to be my Deity-spouse. But those dynamics just don’t work for Him and I. Now, I guess… I’m a happy devotee. It might evolve in the future, and indeed there are strong hints, but for now, I’m just enthusiastic about Him and that is good.

He is the Wanderer, the Victory God, the Hooded One, the Masked One, the Battle-glad, and the High One. He’s got a very grandfatherly presence, which is interesting since I’ve never had good connections to either of my grandfathers. He is the god I see most as a masculine role model for who I’d like to be when I’m in my 40s and 50s (which is Very Important to me as a trans guy).

In my life, He’s mostly been the Wanderer and the Victory God. I have long wandered exploring different religions, but ultimately came to rest with Him. That exploring-then-settling thing took probably six years.

He also influenced me as I was in disastrous states of mental illnesses. Even in times of hospitalization, He was there. Now, I hesitate to say “recovering from mental illness” but I have certainly healed from the worst aspects of my mental illnesses. Recovery doesn’t even really make sense as a term, because I still have fairly strong leftover symptoms that I take medication for, but regardless, there is a certain victory in healing and Odin still remaining as, well, I suppose in a way He is beloved unto me without being a spouse.

I wish I knew more about disability politics and could talk about my illnesses better.

Anyway, Odin’s been here the whole time. Loki brought Him, I guess. Wild story–when I first started studying the runes, I was playing some word card game with family, and His name ended up in my hand of cards in alphabetical order. That’s how I remember it anyway. It sent shivers down my spine and let me know that He definitely wanted an offering while I studied the runes.

If I remember rightly, I studied the runes for an entire summer (2013), doing one rune a week, studying for five minutes a day every day. Every Sunday–the beginning of the week–I made Odin an offering of some kind. It was quite the task for a new pagan! I’m not sure I could do it now.

Now, I use Wednesdays rather than Sundays to keep Him in mind. His Anglo-Saxon name is Woden which is where Wednesday got its name. (For you Gaiman fans, He is indeed Mr Wednesday.)

Freya

I’m pretty sure She asked me to write this post. Anyway, She is the Norse goddess of–as Justin Timberlake would say it–love and sex and magic (NSFW). I first approached Her as a baby-pagan because I still found Odin kinda scary and wanted Her to balance Him out.

Given that She got caught up in a lot of my illness and delusions, I have this very serious High-Priestess view of Her stuck in my head, but I get the impression She’s trying to help me see that She can laugh. I like to think She chuckles at the antics of kittens. She and I really bond over loving cats. That’s pretty much where we relate right now. It’s a small but good place to restart. Hopefully things will evolve in future.

There’s a cat, Minou, in my building who isn’t well cared for by her owner. She gets stuck outside a lot since the owner is rarely home. So, my neighbours have taken to feeding her. I pet her a lot and sometimes succeed in getting her into the building. I often ask Freya to protect Minou.

She is the Vanadis, the Lady, Sea Goddess, Lady of the Slain, and the Giver.

My personal UPG is that She and Frigga are the same goddess. Odin is Odr; so she and Odin are married. Later, I found this UPG confirmed by scholar Jackson Crawford, so that was neat. I’m learning to try confirming UPG with research, which is fun. I like to interpret Frigga as Freyja when She’s older, but even then, Frigga seems too serious in comparison to Freyja as a young goddess. I’m unsure. It’ll take more exploring.

So these deities are my three main ones. I’m happy to call on Freyr or Thor if I need something but these are the Big 3. (It may seem a little masculine-heavy, but the Norns are quiet but strong powers in the background so I think it balances out. Shit, that may be a post on its own too.)

I’d like to do a post on King Arthur and Queen Guinevere too, since they are longtime Powers-That-Be in my life as well.

I feel really glad that things feel settled among the Powers That Be. I’m not feeling caught between different religions, as I used to. Things seem to be pointing in the right direction. It’s unusual that things feel so well but it’s a nice feeling!

6 thoughts on “My Three Main Deities

  1. I too believe that Frigga and Freyja are one and the same–though perhaps at different ages, as you mentioned. In pre-Christian Anglo-Saxon England, Freyja was not mentioned, and Woden and Frija were the divine royal couple. Frija was not only the queenly consort of Woden, but also the shield maiden, mead bearer in the hall, and goddess of magic. Coincidence? I think not. The various northern pantheons are so deeply connected, I think that due to the interference of Christianity we need to look at all of them to truly understand any of them. (And yes, this includes the Slavic and Baltic pantheons.)

    Year and years ago, Freyja approached me even before Odin did. I wasn’t interested. Now, I am trying to reconnect with Her via our shared love of cats–and, of course, of Odin.

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    1. Oh nice! I wasn’t sure if other people have similar beliefs so I appreciate hearing from you on this. A heathen Youtuber mentioned the lack of mention of Freyja in Anglo-Saxon England, but he only mentioned it in passing so it helps to have this repeated. 🙂

      I’ll definitely have to keep an eye out for sources on Frija because I don’t know much about her as a mead bearer or shield maiden but it sounds utterly fascinating. I used to rely on mysticism a lot but am learning to love pagan research more and more so this is exciting to me.

      Have you read up on the Slavic and Baltic pantheons to understand the Norse better? I have noticed similarities in the little reading I have done.

      Yay cats! It’s a lovely, low-pressure way to connect with Freyja for sure. I find Her presence feels very… Big and strong, so connecting in a small way helps relieve the immensity of Her presence, if that makes sense?

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      1. i have only recently discovered astonishing similarities between Mokosh and Frigga/Freya, so I’m definitely going to be looking into those pantheons more. Especially since paganism had a longer time to develop in Lithuania and Russia.

        And yes, it does! Although cats can also be pretty intense, lol. I don’t think they’re actually tamable, they’re just less dangerous by virtue of being smaler.

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    1. Thor is awesome. I definitely agree that He has a steady presence. I’ll admit that my interpretation of Him is deeply influenced by Marvel Thor. While this is cute and fun, I hope to get to know Him better through a heathen lense.
      I’m happy to hear you have such positive experiences with Him!

      Liked by 1 person

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