Serious Fallow Times

My practice is very minimal these days. A tarot card here, a rune toss there. I still feel profoundly uninterested in offerings or devotional practice.

The Morrigan has been pinging me lately, suggesting I do ancestor work with her/them. I spent a bit of time looking up the Morrigan stuff today, and felt such strong distaste at a Youtuber’s suggestion of a daily practice that I quit the video. Ancestor veneration is cool, but I might just stick to reading history without necessarily making that a spiritual practice, you know?

I had a mix-up with some recent communication with Odin. I thought he made me an offer. While feeling slightly dazzled, I also realized this offer would involve a lot of responsibility, which is not what I am looking for right now. And I thought some more, and realized if I rejected this offer, I would want to leave my Norse faith entirely. Thankfully, I realized Odin would not put me in such a ridiculous all-or-nothing bind. So the offer wasn’t real, or was misinterpreted. Still, this mix-up helped me see that my faith is precarious.

I’m wondering if my pagan faith is dead. I’m not sure what a pagan practice looks like without offerings, hymns, and devotional rites. Magic isn’t interesting to me anymore. I don’t know what to do.

I just finished reading Thich Naht Han’s translation of the Heart Sutra, a sacred Buddhist text. I’m trying to be open to the idea of being a student of mysticism, rather than adhering to a specific tradition for now. I might read more Buddhist texts or reread some old favourite sacred texts.

I gotta wonder though: will I just drift away from paganism over time?