I got laid off today, thanks to coronavirus. I haven’t really told my friends yet, since I finish next Tuesday. I expect it will come up in DnD tomorrow though. Really, I am sure lots of people in the field of ESL are getting laid off.
A part of me is thinking, yeah, use this time to write rune poems and make runic paintings but Jolene Dawe’s latest post has me wondering if I ought to do lighter tasks. I’ll see how things feel the first few days.
Although really, I’ll still work on drawing that Norse/Celtic knotwork style regardless because learning this style is teaching me about acquiring my own.
I’ve been working on a submission to the Troth’s Loki anthology. It’s being edited this weekend by an old university colleague (she’s getting paid–never fear!) and I’ll receive the edits on Monday. I’m pretty excited to do something for Loki.
I need to pick a pagan name though. My online kindred encouraged me not to rush, even though I’d already thought of a temporary name. They told me to take it slow, think on it, wait for the name to come. That seems sensible. I didn’t rush choosing my name as a trans guy, after all.
Better to really give it a think. Still, I might need a temporary name just to go with this anthology, if the name doesn’t arrive on time. ^^
Last weekend I asked one of my elders about books on ecstatic practice. She nudged me, you know, why do I want to know this stuff, what was my goal, especially since I already seem to have a handle on the mild ecstatic practices that I do have already?
I told her I didn’t know and that I would need to think of a goal.
So instead, I bought Felicia Day’s book on inspiration (“Embrace Your Weird”) which I think could be a lot more useful to me as an artist.
If anything though, I was debating buying a book on druidic awen to see what Celtic practices there are around inspiration. The druids work with that pretty regularly so I thought I might get some good ideas.
When I talked more with L, my elder, I realized my concern was more about boundaries with spirits at bedtime. I often hallucinate at bedtime (and indeed, the MRI to examine this problem this coming Sunday got cancelled today) and find my boundaries with spirits to be thinner. L really frowned at me in concern because, as she said, she is REALLY STRICT with spirits about stuff like that, because sleep is important.
This week, as I was more attentive to these boundaries, I have a funny feeling that I might be getting
- residual deity energy in my aura bringing up unnecessary stuff
- my desires or impressions of Deity being reflected at me
Somewhere on the Magick from Scratch blog, the author writes about all this stuff. I’ll have to review it.
Anyway, I did like a check-in with myself at bedtime and realized that my boundaries were pretty loud and clear. I really just think I am floating a bit in residue, illusions, and desires. And I wanna be clear here: my hallucinations are obviously hallucinations and are manifestly different from spiritual visions. I know what’s what.
BUT, just to avoid tangled communications as I go to bed, it’d be useful to clear stuff up. I hope to have a bath later on this evening to clear myself up–although it’s late enough now that I might not and just do it tomorrow. Additionally, I am thinking I need to regularly sit down with Deity, at least once a week, and open up to Deity to be like ‘yo I am here, what’s up?” so that way there is a container for trance.
That way, I don’t feel an impulse to trance at bedtime. Lying down definitely makes me receptive but I don’t want to do it at bedtime! I’m not sure where I can lie down to do this. Maybe I’ll get a meditation chair?
Oh yes, that too. Gently guided by Lama Rod’s teachings, I hope I can slooooowly learn to meditate again. His 7 Homecomings meditation taught me that I could try again. He’s doing a lot of online classes right now, so we’ll see how that goes.
(also shout-out to Jolene. I’ve been reading her stuff… probably since I was a newbie pagan 8 years ago. Her friendly supportive vibe has always encouraged me! Her wife, Beth, and her writing have also long encouraged me in my practice.)