Messaging Malfunctions

So, for the past two-ish years, I have gotten the calling to be Odin’s priest. I don’t think I am wrong in my hearing of the message, but I think I have stuck too closely to the letter of the idea. I’ve really been stressing myself out about training, the investment, the time, etc. And I’ve realized that with all my other goals–working abroad, becoming a better artist, furthering my education as a teacher–priesthood just doesn’t work.

I don’t have time! Who has the time?

I can really see now why pagans don’t do the formality of becoming priests. It’s a ton of unpaid labour whose training is paid for out of pocket with no societal support and little community support (do we need a fund bank for the training of priests?). I super super appreciate the leaders in our community who take the time to do rituals and learn the necessary Stuff. I still kinda wish I could, because I know I’m enough of a scholar nerd/leadershippy person, that I could do it. But. I got other stuff to do.

(Side-note: I am listening to Heilung’s new album Futha and this is so intense)

I want to focus more on my art. I want to study Japanese this fall, partly for work, and partly to write haiku&tanka in the original language (who? me? a nerd? nooooo). I’m taking a printing workshop in November and a bookbinding class in the new year. I can’t do both priesthood and art. And that’s cool!

I just feel bummed that I let myself stress so hard about this for so long. My continual, ongoing life lesson seems to be about tempering ambition so that I can plant seeds at the right time. (Timely, as tonight I am going on an edible herbs walk in my city.) I get really high ambitions and want them real bad, but then don’t have the follow-through energy. Such an Aries trait omg.

SO, I am reducing my meditation so that I can wake early to make art. I’ve been somewhat managing it on and off this summer, but Lady Guinevere encouraged me to Get Serious this week. (Thankfully, she waited until the end of my short vacation to say that.) Today, I did tarot and a rune pull for myself. It was nice.

Tomorrow… maybe I’ll plot my haiku zine or doodle a picture of Lady Frigga and Lord Odin (whom I ship as loyal marriage partners, in whatever monogamous or poly function that is to Them).

I’ll probably still try to host rituals sometimes, and do stuff in community rather than alone, but… I don’t want to hurt myself trying to honour the gods and goddesses, you know?

Earlier this summer, for the first time ever, I did a tarot reading for someone else (a friend) while deliberately seeking messages from the fae King and Queen, Arthur and Guinevere. It worked. So stunning. I’ve been keeping this skills to myself for like… I want to say six years? Seven? Seven. I was deeply ill for a good chunk of this time, so I don’t want to shame myself for not coming out of the oracle-closet sooner.

I figure I will periodically experiment with delivering (tarot/rune) messages as I feel called to. And as I get the impulse. I might share things on this blog more. I don’t want to think/write about it much because I’m already a bit stressed having come to this not-priesting decision.

It’s been quiet this summer on this blog because I’ve been busy with work and dragonboat racing. I’ll likely be on this site more in the fall/winter because I will have less racing to do. And we’ll get a six week break from practices so that’s great.

I do have long-term plans for my art, but it’s really long term, so I am not worried. ❤

Thanks for bearing with me, y’all.

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