Low Spoons, Musings, Etc

Lately, I’ve had trouble sitting at the shrines. Usually, I would sit in the morning and evenings. But, the Powers That Be are teaching me not to offer negative spoons nor to rush my prayers before I go to work. So… I sit less. I’m trying to get better at (1) managing my spoons and (2) managing my wake-up/bedtime routine so I can sit, pray, and meditate.

I don’t really feel like I am succeeding much. My sleep patterns have been messed up lately due to bizarre flashing colours, trippy patterns, and demonic or cartoonish visions when I close my eyes to attempt to sleep. It SUCKS. I am going to ask my psychiatrist for a recommendation to a sleep clinic. It’s been like this since a few days before Christmas. At first I thought it was just due to the bed bugs, but it’s continued even after the bed bug problem has been solved! UGH.

Currently reading: Cunning-Folk and Familiar Spirits: Shamanistic Visionary Traditions in Early Modern British Witchcraft and Magic by Emma Wilby. It’s a slow go of it because it’s an academic text and thus rather difficult to maintain lots of energy to read it. But, I find it really informative. Both Lady Guinevere and King Arthur have assured me that I will find useful tidbits for my path in this text.

Lord Odin is encouraging me to look more closely at monkhood and what it means to me. I think it would be a good parallel for my priestly practices with Lord Odin. (I still want Him to metaphorically be painted on stained glass in my practice).

He is very patient with me. It kinda of boggles my mind but… I guess a part of me still thinks that–and this is an old idea–I ought to devote 100% of my attention and actions to him. But this is partly due to negative interpretations of deity from the internet, and, now that I think of it, confusion from spiritual texts about dedicating actions to God…

Am currently, slowly, trying to reduce workload, take more breaks, have more free time, just so I can recuperate my energy. While I can push myself very hard and get work done, my mood worsens and my temper goes off easily.

I’m getting a lot better at easing off but… it puzzles me that my spoons are so low. Is it because I’m not getting enough protein? Is something wrong? Hmmm. I should try figuring out my doctor situation again perhaps. Because I do go to the gym, which does increase my energy somewhat, but still…

My current cross-stitch project is almost done. I am working on Smaug flying over the Lonely Mountain (from Lord of the Rings). I just have to do the dark part of the right wing and the smoke/wind coming from Smaug’s mouth. The mountain was a good challenge for me as a beginner! This will become my… fifth completed project, I believe. I LOVE cross-stitch. I’m very very glad to have learned. It’s great for my anxiety. It’s good to do when my students are writing their exams because I can get a lot done. I love it. I really hope I can find a way to bring it with me when I travel abroad!

Speaking of–I should mention. I’ve had a job interview for a teaching position abroad. I won’t say where yet. If I get the job–I’ll know by mid-April–then I will tell you where I might be going. 🙂

 

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